Gotta Go

This blog is about to dissapear. My father informed me today that he "found" my blog. As it is a personal, online journal of sorts I will be starting a new one with a different URL. I will inform all of you of it's new location personally. Send me your email addresses and I will let you know the new location.
I feel very exposed and violated right now. Yes, my blog is on the internet. But only my friends know where to access it. If you don't know me, my blog is anonymous and nonsensical for the most part.
I vent, I rant, I dialogue with myself here. Now my private thoughts are being nosed about by family members who don't respect boundaries.
It's like a letter. If you open in and it's not directed to you - why are you reading it?
With my already strained family relatioships and my stressful job, this is the icing on the proverbial cake.
This blog will self-destruct in a few days.
Adieu, SquirrelWorld, adieu.

Sometimes...

I wish I could transport myself into a book or a movie. Like I would love to eat taters with Bootsie and eat ice cream with kittens and go on picnics that lead to cop chases,

Or maybe sing and dance with goblins and David Bowie,

I'd love to ride polar bears and travel through dimensions,

And stay over with the Tenenbaums,

Definitely tesseract and planet hop with witches,

I'd love to run around Tokyo with Bill Murray,

Or battle Queen Cersei

I would really like a Totoro,

Or just a chance to get out of routine I suppose.
A little vacation somewhere might actually just be enough.
No money + new stressful job = tired little squirrel
I'm sitting in the house alone today listening to the rain outside. It's really quiet and peaceful and exactly what I needed after a crazy week.

I only meant to stay a while...

Lately I have been thinking in spurts between my manic preparation for my new job as a middle school teacher. My brain is like a gerbil wheel that squeaks and threatens to go off the hinge as it replays the same old boring anxieties over and over and over and over. I'm trying hard not to talk lately because it just becomes a toxic leak of green bile we call worry, and everyone having enough of their own just takes a step back and frowns at the splatter on their shoes. whoops, she's got verbal diarrhea again, and it's not even amusing or cute.
-Before I continue, I must note that: I am a very lucky person in SO many ways with a very wonderful boyfriend, home, friends and town. I have all that I need and I'm not going hungry. Therefore,the prestated and following should be considered in this context.-
I have noticed that my friends and peers get uncomfortable when people say earnest emotional statements like "I'm really sad about" or "I really care about you so much" or "you are a wonderful person" or "what do you guys think about?" It's so direct that it's AWKWARD and everyone evades the gaze of the speaker and quickly diverts to the not so original
Sarcastic, Cynical, Vague and Negative Banter that is now socially acceptable and comfortable. Saying genuinely kind, nice reflective things that show your vulnerability is like taking off your pants and dry humping a trash can. People laugh nervously and if you don't stop they try to get the hell away from you.
I'm not saying I don't do it or feel it - it's just that when I break out of the conversation norms in groups or sometimes even alone with someone, people get uncomfortable. Do we not all cry? Do we not all feel insecure even though we are "adults" and "responsible"? Do we not all love our friend deep down? I'm not saying sarcasm and wit are unfeeling and superficial, I think they are invaluable tools that truly gifted people can wield with great success and delight. I just don't understand why feelings, emotions and honest vulnerable statements make us uncomfortable. why does it have to be like that? And when did it start?
When will we be able to start talking about what they are really thinking about instead of sticking soley to the safe topics like sports, daily accomplishments and gossip without feeling like their burdening people or alienating themselves?

SOOoooo....I dropped the email bomb on my dad about me living with Matt. He sent me 2 enraged responses and left me several messages on my cell including, "I would really like to come there and talk to you tomorrow" and "You're obviously avoiding my calls, which I knew you would do" Yeah no shit, Dad. Your psychotic christian knee jerk knocked out my teeth and gave me a bloody nose. I'd rather hang out with a drunk frat boy on game day, to be quite honest. Basically, it's now blatantly obvious that I am not a "christian" by his current pentacostal definition - which embarasses him in front of his zealot wife and makes him worry that I will burn in Hell one day.
If God is really an asshole who 1) created Hell 2)created beings that he knew would eventually go to Hell (being that he is omniscient and omnipresent) then I don't want to have anything to do with him. Plus, how could some perfect spirit man create an imperfect product? It's not logical, whatsoever. Then I think about people basing there morals on the Jewish culture of 2000 years ago...it's all very bizarre.
On to better things. I finish up my "light construction and landscaping job" tomorrow. The guys on the job were quite amused by my prescence and I had to ignore some comments here and there - but mostly it was a good experience. 9$ and hour makes anything worth it when you're broke. wheee.
I start teaching middle school in 2 weeks. I am going to crap my pants.
That is all.

Hornonally Inspired Angst

Well folks, I unofficially have a job. I will be a gifted Spanish and Language Arts teacher at Burney-Harris Lyons middle school starting August 3. Here's a mental list I've been mulling over:
Pros:
1) principal is smart, sharp, nice and backs his teachers up
(as he put it "Even if you're wrong I'll stand behind you to the parents. I might cuss at you after the meeting though") He doesn't put up with bullshit, basically, and that's the kind of leader-in-charge I was looking for. otherwise your school is unorganized and full of abused teachers.
2) the school is small - only 520 odd students
3) nice facilities, pretty new and really clean
4) light blue lockers - no I can't have one but I like them
5) 10 minutes from my house
6) school starts at 8 - which means I can get up with Matt at 7
7) becoming a better teacher
8) inspiring and connecting with students

Cons:
1) middle school angst, hormonal surges, rage, etc.
2) psycho parents

Back into the real world I dive, head-first and this time with enough experience to make me relax a little bit. I have already composed my first day speech that is supposed to 1)scare the kids into behaving 2)show them I care 3)show them they can't be jerks to each other in my class. I remember getting picked on in middle school and the teacher looking the other way. Not in Ms. Geddie's class.
If anyone wants to hear my speech just ask, it will be good practice for me to recite it to you. You can also tell me how silly I look with that serious face on.

The Wiffle Battle

Come closer children, sit by the fire. I want to tell you the story of the famous duel between two mighty forces of nature. Long, long ago there were two kingdoms in the land of Wiffle (where cheap beer flows like river water), headed by Sir Megaman the Force and Lady Squirrel the Fierce. One year, at the Wiffle Ball Festivus, the two began talking when things turned sour.
The duel commenced with a joke that Sir Megaman took to far when he thought Lady Squirrel was not looking.

She had, however, noticed his fowl gesture and shouted a threat, poised for attack.

She started with a smart side-kick.

And then followed with a sharp face shot.

Some cunning crotch knocks.

And then some belly busters.


A nose twister.

And a body slam.

To which Sir Megaman replied with a jump and a hop. And a brutal retaliation. He began with a sucker punch.

A bottom bruiser

A brick.

And a nice hair pull.

Sir Scott the Noble had been observing this physical fued.

When he decided to intervene.

He grabbed the two royals.

And quoth: If you two cannot settle things properly

I will squash thine heads like watermelons.
When he left them, Lady Squirrel clasped her wiffle bat.

And struck the mighty Sir Megaman.

Again.

And again.

Until he gave a squeal of glee.

And they decided to be friends again, uniting the kingdom in peace once more.

Dead Granny

I really hope this isn't the way I die. Poor lady, she just lived in a bad neighborhood and couldn't get any peace.
straybullet